Are Older, Successful Men Scared Of Commitment?

Hi girls,would you recognize a "good man"
if you saw one?
Do you frequently meet and get into relationships
with men you THOUGHT were going to be right
for you...
Only to discover many months down the road that
they're not, and it causes you a lot of pain and
frustration?
A man will often be on his "best behavior" the
first 6 months you're dating. It's often hard to
"see" him for who he really is when you're
experiencing a lot of attraction and chemistry.
This is why it's CRUCIAL for you to figure out
early on, before you get too involved, whether or
not he's MATURE ENOUGH to have a good
relationship, and whether he's ready to be the
kind of man you need him to be for you.

Maybe this is something you've been curious
about, too.

You've met a man who's over 40.

Let's say he's never been married.

He's got a great career, is fairly successful,
and has a lot going on in his life.

You find him very fascinating and attractive,
and you think about how much you'd love to have a
man like this in your life.

You date him a few times, and he seems like a
great guy, but something feels a little "off" in
the things he does and says (even though you tried
to ignore it or deny it).

He seems a little defensive, a little
reserved - specifically when it comes to letting
you know how he feels or what he wants from a
"relationship."

He almost seems SCARED or turned off by the
idea of anything long-term or "serious."

He gives you the impression that he's just into
having fun, seeing you once in a while, but he's
not into anything more than that. He doesn't say
it directly, but you have a feeling this guy is
just into playing the field.

There are the little clues.

He has dates with other "friends" and always
seems to be busy every night of the week.

He never introduces you to his close friends or
family, and when he does, you're just "a friend."

He likes to do things and hang out in places
with a much younger crowd.

You really like this guy, but you know it's
probably hopeless. He is only interested in women
to have fun with, and maybe even women much,
much younger than you are.

And then there's the man who WAS married
before. Maybe he's even got kids from his previous
marriage or relationship.

He's loving, responsible, and you sense that
he could be a great long-term partner.

You have a great connection and you have a lot
in common.
Then suddenly, (and particularly AFTER you've
had an amazing and intimate time together) he
pulls back a little.

He tells you he wants to "go slow" and "not
rush into anything serious", which is fine and you
agree.
But then a little while later he completely
withdraws and acts like he wants NOTHING to do
with a serious relationship after all.
Ouch!
He acts very "into you" one minute, and very
loving, then doesn't call you for days, or acts
distracted and distant. You're confused and hurt,
and you don't know what to do next.
Maybe he gives you a "been-there-done-that"
speech, or makes you feel like you're the "clingy"
one who wants so much more than he's willing to
offer.
He leads you to believe that he's not
interested in anything more than being a "good
friend" because he's done the marriage thing,
and he's not into that anymore.
Or he's never been married, and isn't really
interested in getting married at this point in
his life.

You feel like he's getting ahead of himself,
so you try to let him know that you don't mind
taking it slow, but nothing helps.

You want to date a man who's close to your
age, but a man your age doesn't seem to want
anything real.

It's like you can't win!

Which leads you to ask yourself:

Do older, successful men just have more
"baggage" when it comes to love and
relationships?

Or are they commitment-phobes?
Is it virtually impossible to meet a single or
divorced man over 40 who wants to settle down with
one woman, raise a family, have kids, and have a
happy, committed relationship?

A lot of women tell me that it's
their experience that men over 40 just aren't
available for a relationship anymore.

Either the men have been married and don't want
to marry again, or have never been married and
don't intend to in the future, or they're just
looking to have fun.

They seem to be carrying around a bunch of
"baggage" from the past, and they're afraid to
have a committed relationship. They want to keep
their "freedom." Maybe they only want to date
women half their age.

This is a fascinating phenomenon to me.

Not that men over 40 are being seen as having
"baggage," but that so many women are having this
experience with these men who are 40-plus years
old.

What's going on here?

And what can you do if you want to have a
committed, long-term, quality relationship with a
man over 40, but you keep having this negative
experience?

To answer, I want to point out that first and
foremost, we all as human beings look at others
according to what they can give us, or what we
need from them.

If you push aside your own needs and look at
the man as being simply HUMAN, you'll realize
you're identical.

You want love, but you're afraid to take
risks because you've been wounded.

He may feel the same way.

And hey - we all have baggage from
relationships that have broken our hearts, on some
level.

The more wounded we are, the more defensive we can
become if we don't heal those wounds.

If a man acts defensive and cold, and seems to
be afraid of love or commitment, that COULD mean
that he has all kinds of baggage from a prior
relationship. He got hurt. He's afraid of risking
it all and getting hurt again.
If you look at his defenses, they look really
annoying and harsh to you. What you may not
realize is that you have your OWN set of harsh
defenses that may not be as apparent to you.

Hey, don't get the wrong idea.

You don't want to get involved with a guy if he
doesn't want to get close to you. But you can have
a bit of COMPASSION for where he's coming from.

If you look out there and you see all these men
who want to run around and don't want to be in a
committed relationship, usually those men are
afraid of falling in love and needing a woman.

It's ironic, but statistics will show that
when a man and a woman are in a long marriage
together, and the woman dies, the man will die
shortly thereafter.

It's not true so much for women.

If the old man dies first, the woman is more
resilient and goes on living for years afterward.

Which shows that men are actually more
vulnerable and more afraid to take a risk and be
vulnerable and attached to a woman, because he
literally fears that he might DIE without her!

If a man isn't "ready" because he's still
dealing with the baggage from his past, it doesn't
mean that you should wait around for him to "get
ready."

But definitely have some understanding about
WHY he's afraid or why he's resisting being in a
committed relationship."

In my experience, men over 40 - just like many
women over 40 - have experienced a lot of
disappointment and pain in their love lives. In
trying to defend themselves against more of that
pain, some men may appear to have a lot of
"issues" and be callous and selfish.

As humans, we have different ways of dealing
with things from our past.

But I also know that there are many, many men
over 40 who would love nothing more than to find
a great woman, commit to her, have kids or help
raise a family, and experience true and lasting
love in their life.

The key is to RECOGNIZE a great man when you
meet one, so you don't waste your time with a man
who may not be "ready" or willing to have a real
relationship with you.

For example, I think it's important to
understand the stages of MATURITY men go through
in their lives.

It's not chronological.

You can meet a man who's 25 years old and
already very mature and ready for a loving,
committed relationship where BOTH his needs and
his partner's needs are important to him.

Or, you can meet a man who's 45 and still just
a "boy" in a lot of ways that affect how he is in
a relationship.

If you know what stage of maturity your man is
in, you can better understand where he's coming
from and what you can - OR CAN'T DO - to change
the way he is in a relationship.
If you've ever experienced these with a man:

> He comes on strong at first, but then
disappears

> He changes his mind about you in a moment,
for apparently no reason

> He talks about wanting to travel and
"explore" the world and live an adventurous life
(often without you in it)

> He's controlling and inflexible at times

Then you've been experiencing certain symptoms
of a man's maturity level, from a "boy" all the
way to a mature and self-possessed "King."

I explain in detail everything you need to look for
when you meet a man to know whether he's still a
self-involved "boy" or whether he's a purposeful
and focused "king."

I also help you easily and quickly recognize
his maturity level by listening to how he talks
about sex, what he thinks of his job, and what he
does in his spare time.

Why is all this important?
So that you can tell whether or not a man is
potentially RIGHT for you early on. This way, you
won't waste many months or years trying to
"change" him into something he's not.

There are 3 profound truths about
relationships:

1. The man you CHOOSE is the one you GET.

2. YOU are ultimately responsible for your own
love life and selecting the right man.

3. You can't change a man, "make" a man become
mature or help him work on his issues. He has to
do that in his own way, based on his own internal
motivations.

This is why I am going to make an important
suggestion and help you by giving you powerful
tools for choosing and understanding a man.

If you're ready to learn what makes a GOOD MAN
and what qualities and personality traits signal a
mature, "together" man so that you don't have to
wonder if he's going to be right for you for the
long-term...
If you truly understand men - and that includes
how they think and feel in relationships, what
their "issues" are, what they love about women and
what they can't run away from fast enough...

Then you wouldn't be feeling frustrated or sitting
around wondering "why did he say that?" or "why is
he acting that way?"

It's time for you to change your life and change
the way you see and experience men and
relationships.
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